I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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