my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
