she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
