just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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