connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
