my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
