he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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