I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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