He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the day after is always just damage control
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
