I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
