I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
