a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
