i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I need to stop coming to work sober
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
