he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
