Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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