this beer tastes like vomit already
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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