we have pet lesbian snakes
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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