totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
