I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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