Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
