my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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