You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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