That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
