Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
