pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Is it penis luge time yet?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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