hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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