I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Green mimosas i think yes
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
