Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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