My brain says no but my pants say off.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
