but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
