i don't like sucking hair
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
