party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
