I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
