dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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