tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
