if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
