i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
