That's intense
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
