i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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