That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
