Do you still have your period?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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