I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
