someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
