Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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