Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
