I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
