I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
