Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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