why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
