he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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