i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
