then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
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He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
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The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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