let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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