he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
