My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
