Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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