if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
