I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
