the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
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Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
