i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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