im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
