oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
