Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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