Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
