Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
