I'm gonna have a badass scar
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
