im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
