He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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