her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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