Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
