Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
