do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm bleeding and have questions
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
